13 Types of Audiophiles

We decided to do a bit of a fun piece to shake up the momentum of this week. This is intended to be just that, fun. I think all audiophiles are all guilty of one or more of these mannerisms at one time or another.  

1. The Happy Commenter

One of the most uplifting and cherished groups of audiophiles, these guys can often be found milling around audio forums and comment sections telling people how great things are and how EVERYTHING sounds SO good!

2. The Tube Monster

Feels closest to god whilst basking under the warm and inviting glow of tube-state amplification. This audiophile’s favorite review adjectives are “liquid mids” and “organic”. Weekends with the tube enthusiast involve sorting through piles of Russian and Chinese glass searching for the ultimate in sonic purity.

3. The Super Hot Headphone Babe

This buxom beauty is alive and well in the deepest recesses of every 18-24 audiophile mind, but not anywhere else. If you happen to see one in the wild at an audio show, you can rest assured someone is paying her to stand there with faux enthusiasm.

4. The Spec Man

Loves to talk technicalities. Wouldn’t be caught dead pairing an 16 ohm headphone with anything less than a 1 ohm amp.  The Spec man has an unusually high probability for engineering or computer programming forms of employment. This upstanding gentleman knows that true damping has nothing to do with the amount of forehead sweat wiped up by a handkerchief.

5. The Angry Objectivist

Believes that measurements alone should sit upon the iron throne and insists that every review should include a double-blind A/B or its credibility is null. He has a small shrine to “NwAvGuy” constructed in the corner of his listening room.

6. The Avid YouTuber

Prefers video reviews because reading is SO much work. Used to own Beats headphones before he found out that audiophile cans are really where it’s at.

7. The Formal Reviewer

Believes that his definition of good sound is the only acceptable one. Truly listens to music to hear his stereo instead of the other way around. This refined individual will often view audio within the confines of chasing an ultimate goal, rather than simply a love for music.

8. The Vinyl Junkie

Loves the groove because it makes it sound “lived in”. The words “needle” and “arm” conjure up images of a favorite pastime that doesn’t explicitly include drug use. The true vinyl addict is born with the arcane knowledge in how to set up a table and understands that album artwork is the truest form of visual stimuli and should be unrelentingly celebrated at every opportunity.

9. The Big-Spender-That-Needs-Reassurance

This guy just put up a third mortgage to finance a new pair of loudspeakers and he’s having second thoughts. After the third read-though of the latest positive product review he manages to get his heart rate down to a more reasonable level. A steady stream of constant reassurance from his favorite online forums confirms the fact he knew all along: he made the right decision.

10. The Negative Nancy

Abash and unforgiving, this saucy firecracker can be caught lurking almost anywhere online, hiding in plain sight just waiting or the right moment to reach out and strike his prey. No component is perfect, and its is his sworn duty to counterpoint any influence that may prove otherwise. Likes to deflate enthusiasm with words like “muddled”, “congested” and “lifeless”.

11. The Inquisitive Reddit Reader

Can usually be found hanging out around /r/audiophile or /r/headphones mining for comment “gold”. This guy is always looking for a good deal and often wonders why audio products cost so much.

12. The Old School

Still hanging around from the days when a stereo was the only form of entertainment available. This audiophile LOVES vinyl and the way tubes sound even though his hearing is getting dodgier than a bottle of brown Chardonnay.

13. The Cheerleader

The overly positive fanboy of the audiophile world, the Cheerleader has passion for his brands and he’s not afraid to show it. He loves them and he wants you know it. He may attach himself to one or more products that simply can do no wrong. They are the best, around. And no one can ever get ‘em down.

  • That’s hilarious!

    • Johnny

      The scavenger; the guy who stalks eBay, Craigslist, garage sales, and flea markets looking for second, third, forth hand deals. Then posts on reddit asking if it was a good find.

  • Justin Hill

    I think I fit a few of these.

  • Eric Franklin Shook

    I must be the 14th type — MUST LISTEN NUDE.

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  • Simon Moon

    They missed the DIY guy.

    DIY high end speakers, DIY turntable plinth, DIY low inductance speaker cable.

    All can be done for a fraction of retail products, with a little time and labor.

    • Simon Moon

      And I should add, with equal or better results.

      • AudioHead

        Best one to add so far! Can’t believe I missed it Simon, honorary number #14 for sure! 🙂

    • D. I. Why?

      Not much savings unless he DIY his own soldering station, oscilloscope, signal generator, bench supply, drill press….

      • resolha

        wrong mister, the best diyers simply makes the best gear, priceless

  • craig allison

    It’s nuts and bolts audio for me.

  • Alyssa (Dubstep Girl)

    they forgot about the shills

  • Fatman39

    #14, The one with loads of money to spend and just wanna have bragging rights by purchasing the best and most expensive equipment but have no knowledge at all about being an audiophile.

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  • Johnny Boy

    How about the Mr. Deep Pockets Impress the Ladies Because MIne’s Bigger and More Expensive than His type ?

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    The Angry Objectivist

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  • Gunshots ByComputer

    What about someone that wants to believe in all the specs (like myself) but understand about 15% of the what people like NwavGuy are explaining. If some guys says that his 24/196 sounds more dynamic and open and alive compared to the same recording as 16/44 I know to not believe a word he says. “objective middle school level spec man”

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  • Spurge

    The pre-owned used audio ex demo online trawler – a must be category

  • Richard Townsend

    They forgot about the vintage HI-FI enthusiast. The type that can tell you exactly to the day when Marantz starting going downhill and how all modern amplifiers are crap compared their vintage receiver. Like the Yamaha CR-2020 I own which is easily the amplifier ever made.

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  • Göran Jeppas

    Well the audiophile ought to be a negative nancy when things dont sing as it should to their ears. Ofcourse taking price to sound in the evaluation. And perhaps become a cheerleader when it all aligns. May it be a diy cheerleader or vinyl streamer or whatever.

    The rest is just various degrees of stubborn idiocy for one reason or the other.

    Face it even our most heartfelt brands have stumbled and gotten us disapointed as many times as they give us heart jolts. And other “esteemed brands” make our ears bleed every time, pittying the fools that buy into the hype. In the end we strive to feel present at a slice of musical history of our liking. With various degrees of tinkering involved ofc.

    Humoros statement but verry shallow?